The fear of a possible future bad “what if” scenario, does not provide lasting motivation.
What does serve the process of long-term change is flipping the goal into something positive, like feeling confident, strong and healthy, and to be able to resume former activities and physical hobbies.
In the long run, being pulled towards the good serves better than running from the bad. Talk less about your fears and more about your vision. Yes, you may, in fact, be afraid of dropping dead. And, you may be sick and tired of being sick and tired. But give equal or greater attention to what you would like to see for yourself, and how you can be a good role model rather than a bad example.
When we do something positive, we are naturally removed from the negative.
Similarly, when the “bad” has been internalised to oneself and the motivation to change comes from thoughts such as: “I’m not thin enough, disciplined enough, healthy enough, pretty enough, successful enough, rich enough, popular enough, worthy enough, etc.” then this comes from a place of need, of lacking. Whatever you are, feeling that it’s just not “enough” originates in fear and creates the emotion of inner shame. That is toxic to the process of healthy change.
Well-Being Is Whole Being.
Shame disconnects us from others and also from ourselves. Disconnection is the diametric opposite of wholeness, a connection is the very mainspring of well-being. It should be self-evident that we can’t use persistent negativity to bring about a desired positive result, but we just keep falling into the trap. No matter how we try, we cannot shame and blame ourselves (or anyone else) into personal growth.
What Do You Want More Than You Don’t Want?
So what does that mean? Motivation to change may very well be sourced in the avoidance of an undesirable outcome or overcoming something negative.
For example, if we grew up in a home filled with strife, we may be motivated not to repeat the patterns of hostility that we witnessed. It’s a “good” goal, but it’s also vague and undefined. It is much more powerful—and much more likely to produce results—when we flip that into the positive and create the goal of creating a home imbued with positive, loving connection and unconditional positive regard. Then we can take actual concrete steps to bring that about.
What does serve the process of long-term change is flipping the goal into something positive, like feeling confident, strong and healthy, and to be able to resume former activities and physical hobbies.
In the long run, being pulled towards the good serves better than running from the bad. Talk less about your fears and more about your vision. Yes, you may, in fact, be afraid of dropping dead. And, you may be sick and tired of being sick and tired. But give equal or greater attention to what you would like to see for yourself, and how you can be a good role model rather than a bad example.
When we do something positive, we are naturally removed from the negative.
Similarly, when the “bad” has been internalised to oneself and the motivation to change comes from thoughts such as: “I’m not thin enough, disciplined enough, healthy enough, pretty enough, successful enough, rich enough, popular enough, worthy enough, etc.” then this comes from a place of need, of lacking. Whatever you are, feeling that it’s just not “enough” originates in fear and creates the emotion of inner shame. That is toxic to the process of healthy change.
Well-Being Is Whole Being.
Shame disconnects us from others and also from ourselves. Disconnection is the diametric opposite of wholeness, a connection is the very mainspring of well-being. It should be self-evident that we can’t use persistent negativity to bring about a desired positive result, but we just keep falling into the trap. No matter how we try, we cannot shame and blame ourselves (or anyone else) into personal growth.
What Do You Want More Than You Don’t Want?
So what does that mean? Motivation to change may very well be sourced in the avoidance of an undesirable outcome or overcoming something negative.
For example, if we grew up in a home filled with strife, we may be motivated not to repeat the patterns of hostility that we witnessed. It’s a “good” goal, but it’s also vague and undefined. It is much more powerful—and much more likely to produce results—when we flip that into the positive and create the goal of creating a home imbued with positive, loving connection and unconditional positive regard. Then we can take actual concrete steps to bring that about.
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